peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
