my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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