I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish I only lived at night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
