I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
