She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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