he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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