party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize