you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
