just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
