You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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