is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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