i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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