i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
