you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
