No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i would punch a child for taco bell
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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