Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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