Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
