thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
