and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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