Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
