Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
