I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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