Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
