no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
