well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
