so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
