I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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