Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
People in love make me want to vomit
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
