don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
