i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
