peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
