I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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