every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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