was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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