Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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