you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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