you guys were way drunker than both of me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize