How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
