the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize