i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize