I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize