Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
