I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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