community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
