just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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