the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
