I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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