Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
