That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
