Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
