He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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