just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
