remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you will always have a special place in my vag
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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