nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize