And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
