i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
