I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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