mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
