We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
