There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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