No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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