Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
