summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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