im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
