Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
