DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
