I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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