he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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