I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
