I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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