Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
