So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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