What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
