I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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