Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
