my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
