spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
